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Monday, April 29, 2013

Finding & Enjoying your Soulmate

TITLE:            HOW TO FIND YOUR SOULMATE WITHOUT
                         LOSING YOUR SOUL  (21 Secrets for Women)
AUTHOR:       JASON & CRYSTALINA EVERT
PUBLISHER:  TOTUS TUUS  PRESS
YEAR:               2011
PAGES:             301
PRICE:             $20.48


When we listen to the famous American singer, Rihanna, in her song 'hate that I love you' , we wonder why she still has to stick around when literally she hates 'how she loves him'. . Continuing further she goes to say that it's not fair how he takes advantage of the fact that she truly loves him, the question pops again, why stay?

The yearning to be in a relationship to 'fit in' has sent many young adults to unhealthy relationships. Some do not even realise it until it is too late. When they do, they most often resolve to extreme measures due to low self esteem. These measures could stem from sexual intercourse with numerous men to "supposedly numb that part of them that feel emotions" to extreme cases as cuts and injuries or even suicide. 

In this book, Jason and Crystalina outlines indicators to unhealthy relationships. One of which is the way a woman is treated.."for starters, a guy cannot be considered a man unless he treats a woman with dignity". As if to reassure the women of their sense of worth, they go further to butress the fact that ' you don't need to beg for anyone's attention. Make him work to win your heart instead of handling it to him'. In otherwords, you are worth more than treasures!


The concept of chastity is espoused in a different light here. As against the popular belief that when one has gone deep in the roots of fornication it is most often difficult to turn back, the couples explain that it is possible to take a decision to remain chaste (even after bouts of sexual escapades) until marriage. They explain this as taking a decision for purity until marriage. According to them, this also helps in realising what is important in the relationship, asides sex

The couples also explain the fact that there are men to look out for while starting to date. These men should be avoided : the flip-flopper, the Problem child (a.k.a The fix-upper), The Walking Hormone; The Smooth Criminal; The Control Freak, The Older guy; The Potty mouth; The Tearful Cheater; The Spiritual Midget; Mr. I- Don't- Have- Enough- Social- Skills-to-Meet-Girls-without-the-Internet ( Chapter 1,pg.16...)

 Jason and Crystalina goes further to explain the fact that truly everyone is in need of love. The place of God in the context of this love cannot be undermined. Hence in one's search for love, the presence of God must be taken into consideration. Similarly, if one desires a partner with the qualities of godliness, the individual should pause and think whether he or she is practising those godly traits that is desired in his or her prospective partner
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The period of singleness should not be seen as a sin or a curse. They recommend that such an individual should focus on building the virtue of  patience and getting acquainted with their purpose in life not simply waiting around for a man to define their sense of worth. in their words, "focus on yourself". Nonetheless, they recommend the fact that the individual also needs to go out and interact with people, not simply folding their arms indoors and waiting for their prospective grooms to come knocking on the door.

One amazing thing about the book is that it's difficult to give a central theme on what the book is all about. The couple tried well enough to incorporate everything with regards to relationships and they stressed well the fact that whatever foundation one builds in a relationship is what carries one throughout marriage. Thus the idea that he or she will change in marriage was seen as untenable.

However, the title of the book would have covered more spectrum if it was " Finding and Enjoying your soulmate without losing your soul". For instance, we could assume that some fellow is in an unhealthy relationship but has not realised that. A quick look at this book on the shelf, she would go 
" come on, this book is not meant for me, am halfway close to marriage". Little does she know that she is headed for the rocks because the title of the book has assumed that it's for individuals who could be singles and are yearning for a soul mate.

This book comes at a time where sexual innuendos have defined everything we do. Right from the adverts to the musical videos to daily interactions, there is no room for escape for even the toddlers. Thankfully, diaper adverts have not employed these subtle sexual "mind games" in their commercials. 

The couples have done well in also addressing issues with regards to the social interactions of the sophomores, high school children and even college undergraduates. Infact, a large portion of the book provides help in situations they could find themselves in especially from peer pressure etc. Hence, it's a recommended text for every parent for their kids if they want to ensure that not only the present but the future of their children is safe guarded

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