TITLE: THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
AUTHOR: GARY CHAPMAN
PUBLISHER: Northfield Publishing
YEAR: 2010 (Revised edition)
REVIEWER: NKECHI OBIANIGWE
When you see the award winning Bollywood drama film “Baghban” we wonder whether the love that existed between the couples, truly exists. With 4 married sons and grand children, the 60 year old couples love still exhibited newness every day. Gary Chapman in this book “the 5love languages” affirms the fact that love can indeed blossom but he points out the fact that for this to happen, there has to be some form of hardwork as it is not automatic.
There is the ‘in-love” experience that takes place when you fall in love with the opposite sex up until two years afterwards or earlier than that. Since this is the case according to Gary, there has to be something else that would keep this love going. Most individuals at this juncture opt for divorce or seek succor elsewhere but the trick to sustaining this passion is what Gary discovered to be ‘the love language’.
These love languages differ and it is on rare occasions that both partners share same love languages. He also points out the fact that a partner could have more than one love language, while the first is core, the others are secondary and must still be met. He points out these love languages to be: Words of affirmation, Spending Quality Time with partners, Receiving Gifts, Perfoming/ demonstrating Acts of Service and Physical touch.
He explains that this might not come natural to anyone but it is necessary to perform these acts to preserve your marriage and relationship. It is important to understand the language your spouse understands better to be able to communicate effectively in this regard.
Gary points out the fact that the one your partner complains most often that is lacking in your relationship is that partner’s love language. The moment one gets it and consistently works towards satisfying the other partner in that light, the more the relationship blossoms and your partner would then be able to understand your love language when you make your own request.
In all, communication is key and the manner in which a message is passed across is what matters. From the counseling sessions Gary had with the couples, one would easily discover that more often than not, these couples were not aware of the emptiness in the emotional tank of their partners as this was not verbalized or was verbalized in an appropriate manner.
The book is a must read not for married couples alone but also a guide to individuals who are thinking of making that move soon. As we are often told, every stage in life is a school where there are experiences and lessons to be learned; marriage in itself is also a school that requires some degree of diligent study and dedication.; Gary has clearly demonstrated that here and this could be one way of reducing the rate of divorce in our society.