SUSTAINING
THE FLAME IN YOUR MARRIAGE... !!!
TITLE: THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
AUTHOR: GARY
CHAPMAN
PUBLISHER: Northfield
Publishing
YEAR: 2010 (Revised edition)
PRICE: $7.25
PAGES: 202
REVIEWER: NKECHI
OBIANIGWE
When you see the award
winning Bollywood drama film “Baghban” we wonder whether the love that existed
between the couples, truly exists. With 4 married sons and grand children, the
60 year old couples love still exhibited newness every day. Gary Chapman in
this book “the 5love languages” affirms the fact that love can indeed blossom
but he points out the fact that for this to happen, there has to be some form
of hardwork as it is not automatic.
There is the ‘in-love”
experience that takes place when you fall in love with the opposite sex up
until two years afterwards or earlier than that. Since this is the case
according to Gary, there has to be something else that would keep this love
going. Most individuals at this juncture opt for divorce or seek succor
elsewhere but the trick to sustaining this passion is what Gary discovered to
be ‘the love language’.
These love languages differ
and it is on rare occasions that both partners share same love languages. He
also points out the fact that a partner could have more than one love language,
while the first is core, the others are secondary and must still be met. He
points out these love languages to be: Words
of affirmation, Spending Quality
Time with partners, Receiving Gifts,
Perfoming/ demonstrating Acts of Service
and Physical touch.
He explains that this
might not come natural to anyone but it is necessary to perform these acts to
preserve your marriage and relationship. It is important to understand the
language your spouse understands better to be able to communicate effectively
in this regard.
Gary points out the
fact that the one your partner complains most often that is lacking in your
relationship is that partner’s love language. The moment one gets it and
consistently works towards satisfying the other partner in that light, the more
the relationship blossoms and your partner would then be able to understand
your love language when you make your own request.
In all, communication
is key and the manner in which a message is passed across is what matters. From
the counseling sessions Gary had with the couples, one would easily discover
that more often than not, these couples were not aware of the emptiness in the
emotional tank of their partners as this was not verbalized or was verbalized
in an appropriate manner.
The book is a must read
not for married couples alone but also a guide to individuals who are thinking
of making that move soon. As we are often told, every stage in life is a school
where there are experiences and lessons to be learned; marriage in itself is
also a school that requires some degree of diligent study and dedication.; Gary
has clearly demonstrated that here and this could be one way of reducing the
rate of divorce in our society.
